Ten Years Ago Challenge

A challenge has had everyone all excited over the internet active. The #1oyearsagochallenge. This challenge had me thinking about myself 10 years ago. I recalled memories of myself during that time. 

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Ten years ago, I was had freshly turned 11 and was in Form 2 at a new school in Douala, Cameroon. I was childish and naive beyond any limits that could possibly exist. I did not take that long to blend in because I had friends in that school and had come in with my twin sister and technically best friend at the time. I am also quite sociable and down to earth so that really helped in making new friends. 

Back then, I was very competitive. A character which I believe my father instilled in me and I still have till date. I used to compare my grades with the top 5 students. I wanted to know what the highest marks were and I made sure I always asked all my friends and bench mates their test scores. I was always among the top 15 and took most often 12th or 13th position. I really wanted to be among the top 5 students but looking back now, I understand why this never happened in this class. If only I would stop arguing with my tutors. If only I would focus more on those reading modules such as history, and english literature. I loved numbers (and I still do) but in order to be in that top 5, I should not have focused only on Maths, and Physics. 

Ten years ago, I discovered my business mindset. My first business was to sell chewing gum in school. I would get this gum every time my parents or any family member would travel and sell abroad and bring it as gift to me. I also had an aunty who worked at the biggest sweet and chocolate factory in the country, and so we always had some at home. I loved the little extra coins I would get from it. Little did I know that it wo

Ten years ago, I started to build my character. Although I was very much playful due to immaturity and being the youngest among my classmates, I was also very strong headed. My NOs were NOs and vice versa. I was very orderly and liked everything to be in place. I always got into arguments and fights with my siblings because someone sat on my bed that I had freshly made. Or someone wore my dress, used my towel, wore my sock … Really typical things you see in every other family.

Ten years ago, I dreamt anything that my parents wanted me to dream of. I was thinking of becoming a medical doctor like my father wanted my twin sister and myself to become. I do not really think I was given freedom of choice to think about something else haha. May be if I did, I was not confident enough to say it and stand by it. Not ten years ago but definitely now. 

Ten years ago, I was not on social media. I joined the year after starting with Facebook but it was very much monitored by my older brother. I did not have a phone either and if any friend wanted to contact me, I would give them my mum’s number. It never really bothered me to be honest. What will I have used the phone for to start with. I was still a child in love with Disney Channel. I would distract myself with swimming and tennis lessons in the summer. Please what was iPhone? MacBook? Social Media? 

Ten years ago, I had a secret crush. I fought with myself to delete those feelings before anyone (my dad whom I feared terribly) would find out. But I think it had become obvious to my classmates. Probably the way I was acting around him. I got teased with this at school but I always denied it publicly. Haha I let the crushing die because there was nothing such as “shooting a shot” back then. 

Ten years ago, social status mattered to me. I believed that those who went out for every party back then was a cool kid. To be fair, attending parties, and hosting parties frequently what was used as criteria for “cool”, and “popular”. To go to “Gourmandise”, “ABZ” (popular bakeries) and pool parties at hotels was a thing back then. In fact, people were even cooler if they had attention from guys already or were dating their crushes. Big lol. I thank God for my parents for killing my aspirations of becoming “cool”. Definitely never made it out of the gate aside one party which I begged my mum to let me go to for over a month with a curfew that was even before the actual party started. You’ve guessed right, I was a “gates child” AKA prisoner of my parents’ home. What are you going out for. Social status was also defined by what someone would eat at the school’s canteen, or what car will pick one up after school. As i write this, I am laughing so hard. 

Ten years ago, I had a secret admirer. He would write me love letters every time I left my school desk for any reason. I never really got to know who that was till date. I never told anyone except my best friend at the time who knew about it. I was so scared of my twin sister finding out or just anyone else. I tried to personally find out who this person was but eventually gave up. 

Ten years ago, I did not really take God seriously. Not that I refused to have him in my life, but I did not understand who God is. I heard about him so much and had a lot of questions which I did not really explore. I just knew what was good and what was bad nothing more. It was not deep at all then. I did not try to know Him more. I was just comfortable with the fact that there is an Almighty God. 

Ten years ago, I would have never imagined that I will be where I am today, and have what I have today. By this, I mean the strong intellectual baggage that I have accumulated, the leadership potential that I have developed, the entrepreneurial mindset I have developed and the maturity I have gained.

My perspective has changed tremendously in ten years. Now I think a lot and everyday about changing the world, about the impact I have around me, about being a great leader, about being a great entrepreneur. I think about my intended professional career. I spend my time brainstorming business ideas, discussing issues we face in this century to note down some solutions, networking and developing my skills through skills training sessions. I try to get hands on every single opportunity to gain experiences. This young woman has held positions of responsibility. This young woman has started a business. This young woman was travelled to gain exposure to different cultures and markets. This young woman in intellectually curious and loves learning new things. This woman is a risk taker and loves adventure. This woman is building herself. 

Who were you ten years ago?

19 Observations! 

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Happy New Year ft Pursuit of Peace

Happy New Year Everyone!

Here is the first post of 2019 and I am happy that we can start with off with a post on PEACE.

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Peace! Ohhh Lord, peace! If there’s anything I took away from 2018 is the fact that peace should fully be pursued. I was inspired to write this post following a sermon I recently listened to from Joyce Meyer.

Now you may or may not be a believer, but regardless, everyone needs peace and it should be pursued.

I hope that through this post, you are encouraged, lifted in spirit and inspired. May the peace of the Lord fall upon you and your family, and break every chain and bondage that bitterness might have caused in your life.

To be at peace with ourselves, we need to know that God loves us. We need to know God’s character to know what to expect from Him. When we sin, He is ready to forgive us, He is merciful, and we can trust in Him and be open with Him. We can talk to God about everything and anything. There is absolutely nothing that we need to keep from Him because He knows everything. So, in order to be at peace with God, do not keep things away from Him. No secrets with Him.

Stop fighting against yourself, you will not have any peace. If you keep harassing yourself all the time, keeping inventory of everything that is wrong from within us, comparing ourselves continuously to others, Stop!

When you are pursuing God’s will for your life, He will give you peace. 1 Peter 3:11 – They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it.

Sometimes, we have too much on our plate. Simply because we attach ourselves to things that no longer bear any fruits. However, God through his word reminds us in John 15: 2 that: He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. Trust in God. Handing everything over to Him is a guarantee for His perfect peace.

Another thing is living life for you. We often fall into the traps of trying to please people but the reality is that in this life, we cannot keep everyone happy all the time. That said, try as much as possible to mind your own business. Being nosy and spending energy trying to find out what others are doing is a roadblock to peace in your life.

Let peace be the umpire in your life. We have so many important decisions to make therefore make sure you do not rush and use peace as a deciding factor in your decision-making process.

Finally, make life simpler for yourself. We try so much to be in control that in the end we end up overwhelmed and frustrated.

Let’s kick-start the year in peace peeps! I wish you all an amazing year ahead filled with peace, discernment, growth and development and success in all you do.

Catch you in the next post

19’s Observations xx

Merry Christmas

Hi Peeps!

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Hope you all had an amazing Christmas.

On my end, things were quite calm. This year unlike every other, I did not return home for the holidays. But I was prepared for it mentally. I have to admit that seeing my siblings and friends in “party moods” on social media made my heart tinkle a little.

If only I could have the food… Then, perhaps I will not pay attention to all the parties and family I am missing.

Christmas is about sharing, giving, spreading love around us. Personally, I do not believe in the religious rationale behind December 25th but I like how the season is féerique.

From lights all around town, the different markets, candies to the spirit people carry in them during this month , it just makes me happy. I wish it could last all year long…

My favourite spots for this Christmas were Regent and Oxford Streets. I went to the Christmas markets in Piccadilly Circus, London and equally the one at Exeter. I had the famous “german sausage roll”, “churros”, and “bubble tea”. I also went to Winter Wonderland for the first time in 2 years. It was magical. Definitely scared of rides but I did it.

I wish I could shop 24/7 and get all those things but my bank account will not allow me to be great. Anyway, this year has been a lot of “buying-what-you-need” and not “what-you-want”.

I spent Christmas day alone. I had forgotten that shops and restaurants will be closed both on Christmas day and boxing day on the 26. However, me being me, I managed to pull out something. I made pancakes and had it with Nutella and maple sirup.

Do not be like me, have a proper meal. I repeat, have a proper meal on Christmas eve and day.

Merry Christmas Everyone xx

19 Observations

 

 

NEW WALK BY FAITH

We used to pray together, the aim was an hour every single day and it was beautiful. With time, we found ourselves ( a group of 5 – 6 friends) in different countries, different time zones and with varying schedules, it became hard to get together to pray as we used to. At first, I was very unhappy with that decision, because I knew the difference that this time with God made in my life.

But now I understand that it was all God’s plan. He knew I had to grow in faith independently and fly by my own wings. He wanted me to take my faith with my own hands and serve Him.  I was depending too much on those prayer sessions and forgot that I also needed some personal time with God. It got to a point where the only time I would pray was when we would gather together. As a group, we stopped praying together around October 2016.

From that time, October 2016 to probably now, I went through so much. Challenges upon challenges, trials upon trials. Nothing seemed to work. Nothing seemed to work out for me. I felt lost, abandoned, lonely, defeated and weak. I cried myself to sleep almost every single night, I wished myself dead, I was tired. Found myself drinking so much that I even passed out once and blacked out. I blasphemed, yes I did. My favourite sentence to my mum who always told me, confide in God, pray, He will make a way for you, and so much more …. was “Leave God where He is”. The reason I said that was because I was angry at God. I wondered why He would let me go through all what I went through without shaking an inch to end my sadness. Another phrase I would constantly say was “Where is God when all this is happening”. I genuinely felt anger towards Him for allowing me to go through what I was going through.

To a point that I found myself asking constantly, “why me, why not somebody else”. I felt as though everyone’s life around me was moving forward and I was stocked in  my pain. It went on from that point all the way to December 2017. I only saw the bad things that had happened and made sure I blamed God for those. I completely forgot to appreciate the good things God had done for me, all the blessings He had showered upon me, I forgot to thank Him. At that point, I felt like God should only be thanked for big achievements. In fact, I was so blinded by this thought of achieving great things that even when greatness was happening, it felt small in my eyes.

An example was my undergraduate graduation during summer of 2017! I never said thank you Lord. I never gave appreciation for Him seeing me through to the end of my degree. So many people drop out, so many are withdrawn from their programmes of study because they fail to meet progression credit requirements, so many do not even get to go to University. But I was ungrateful; I was at the time blaming God for not making it possible for me to gain admission into my dream school for graduate studies. I forgot to even thank God for making it possible for me to pursue my education, for keeping me save (yes, because some people die along the way). I was blinded.

From July to September 2017 and even till December 2017, a tsunami displaced my family dynamics. The anger and pain from October 2016 was not resolved and I was already dealing with yet, another upheaval. Personally, was not surprised by my family’s dilemma as for some reasons, my instincts and guts had always created a possibility for those to happen. It was traumatic, heart breaking and mental. I was not just angry about God, but angry at the situation as well and started building some sort of hatred in my heart. Every fruit in my mind were opposite to the fruits of the spirit of the Lord which include love, joy, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

The betrayal, the pain, the emotional and psychological pain I suffered made me feel unloved, and unhappy. I couldn’t see God’s faithfulness at that point in time. I had very insignificant faith because I felt betrayed by the faithfulness of God. I became a loner, I spoke little and kept my emotions to myself and built even more hatred. The major result of all these made me loose self-control. It was getting out of hand but at least I was busy; busy with school. One thing about me is that I am very ambitious and determined. Once I start something, I must finish it and I always have high goals. I turned my pain and anger and hurt in my studies.

Dear library, studying and revising were my time. I cannot begin to imagine what would have happened if any idleness.

December 2017 was the worst month in my whole existence. I had never felt hurt the way I did. The sadness I felt was unexplainable and I remember, I stopped praying and believing in God. Even when my siblings or mum would say, let’s pray about things, I would laugh boldly. It was a way of telling them that praying would not change anything. Because of all what I had gone through, I felt like if God wanted to act on our (my) behalf, He would have done so already. I just lived and began to think that God was just a myth. A myth human beings needed to believe in to justify things they couldn’t explain. In my mind at the time, I would think that it was luck and coincidence.

One thing that fed my believe was the fact that I knew unbelievers who were doing well without God. I knew people who did not believe in the existence of God but were high achievers. At University they were among the best, they were finding jobs, they seemed happy and bothered by nothing. I did not envy them but it made me question the point of God in my life. I asked myself what God’s purpose in my life was if at the end of the day,  I was still unhappy, and unaccomplished. I would interview with companies and not get it. I would reach final stages in recruitment processes and still would get rejection. I would invest my time in an application and still not get passed initial screening. What was the point then, I asked myself; for God to be in my life if He couldn’t make it possible for just a single thing to happen. That was my state of mind.

Something I have to clarify is that after this December 2017 period, I was now at that stage where I will pray for praying sake. My faith was very little and during the bad days, I will plunge again and blame God. In January 2017, I fell ill. I suffered from a recurrent illness which never seemed to go away completely. I had more than four emergency surgeries. It troubled my studies because I was in and out of the hospital, I will miss my lectures and tutorials, yet I was determined to do well. If anything, in my family, we are fighters. I am a fighter and I did not let sickness get in my way of achieving my goals.

Things began to unfold around March 2018. I started getting call backs from companies for interviews, assessment centres and all that and eventually, secured an offer with a big multinational. Finally something good thing had come my way. I was happy. I decided I would travel in April which I did. I did so well in my May exams. I was finally smiling but it was short. For some reasons beyond my control, I was told in August 2018 that the company for which I had an offer could not sponsor my work permit (Visas and permits for international students in the UK). That was a knife in my chest. That was really when I began to think that “my village people had gotten at me”.

In my culture, there is this believe that “someone can tie your destiny:. That is how I felt. In all honesty, I felt like someone was responsible for this “downfall”. How do you explain having a job offer with a signed contract and not having it anymore. I cannot count the number of whys that came out of my mouth. It was difficult. I would normally never believe in such but when this happened, I was just like “please God, who did I offend”. Must a child of God suffer in this way! Must a child of God go through this much sorrow! But like I said, I never ever give up. That’s not in my vocabulary. I continued to apply.

For a month I asked for this: “Lord just a sign”. Just show me something or make something happen that would make me believe that all I am facing, this adversity is temporary and you are preparing me for a miracle. Some days,  said “I am tired”, God please. I have been asking since August for a sign., a touch from God. I asked to see his face, that he should reveal himself to me. I often said that “God my mouth is heavy at this point to speak out on how my heart feels”. I will be listening to this song titled “For Your Glory” from Tasha Cobbs and asked for favour for almost 2 months.

It had been going on and on until my twin sister last week suggested this website that she has been following which has been really helpful for her in building faith. Other friends from that chat confirmed that they follow this site as well and without any hesitation, I decided to go on there. I looked at the lay out and in that moment was convinced I too will be touched by the messages on there. Before that, my Youtube suggestions led me to the testimony of this lady which I followed attentively and was blessed by it. I watched a couple more of her videos and I felt that the spirit of God had led me into finding her channel so that I will be blessed. The spirit of God led me to another video which I had once watched some years back about this lady who almost sold her soul to the devil and was giving a testimony about it.

Before that even happened, a couple of weeks earlier, when i found myself complaining to a friend with whom I was staying with, I had told her “my life is a mess right now” and immediately suggested I should watch a movie titled The Shack and in that movie, it showed the life of this man, who had experienced a tough childhood but was finally married and happy with his three kids. But everything changed the day he lost his last born on a vacation who was abducted then killed. But this movie shows the workings of God, Jesus and the holy spirit and shows how God is continuously working on our behalf but we cannot seem to see things happening physically because there is poisonous grass (weed) all around. When I watched this, I did not make the connection of how God was using my friend to speak to me in that moment but now I see it all.

Last night in my sleep, I felt tribulation. For some reasons, the images are still very blurry but here is the recollection of the events in my sleep. I believe two people came to our house (a house), a mother and her child in the face of a far cousin of mine who put to birth a year ago but I have never seen the child. The moment the entered, I felt bad energy. I have always been very instinctive in my household and rarely do my instincts fail me. I think its a gift that God has given to me as I am able to tell when someone has bad intentions, energy or just has negative motivations. I smell it from a distance and can tell immediately.

So in this dream, I felt the same way about this person that had come in and I think I tried to question why she had come, and what her mission was at our house. In my dream, I fell asleep as it was night time and at one point felt something wrapped around my neck and was strangling me. It was as if I had a neck scarf and it was slowly getting tight around my neck, making it impossible for me to breathe. I think my mum was sleeping next to me and I tried calling her and touching her to wake up but she was deep asleep. I was fighting and I couldn’t even see who was strangling me with the scarf. Then, I began to pray by intelligence and called upon the holy ghost. I prayed to God that nothing fashioned against me would prosper, I reminded God that He is above any principalities and powers. I told Him to save me, calling upon the precious blood of Jesus. I prayed and prayed and eventually, was set free.

Now, this whole thing made me wake up in the middle of the night and all I could think of was continue praying. I prayed again and again to God for deliverance, I prayed for protection in my sleep and more. I gave my life to Christ in that same moment and asked God to take me, and make me whole in Him again. I realised shortly after that God had finally shown his face to me through this dream and made me hear his voice this night and that was all what I had been asking for. I prayed for healing all over my body in all my tissues, I prayed that by the time I woke up, I would be healed, no more pain, no more fever, no headache, no nothing.

When I fell asleep again, I had a dream, a scene of my aunt telling me my twin sister had passed. Immediately, I rebuked it. I said away from me satan. I said woke and said I make this dream null in Jesus’s name and then I prayed again for protection for all my family members. It was not the first time I had ever dreamed of a family member passing away and as real as it had felt in the past, I had always prayed about it. But I declared it with faith, assurance, audacity and confidence reminding God his promises to be with us wherever we step our foots and had the firm conviction that He would do so. So in the morning, I was not panicked.

Now one thing which I forgot to mention was that from the testimony of the lady on Youtube the day before, the main thing which kept coming for me was forgiveness. She had explained in her testimony how she had been hurt by her own mother and that she had not been talking to her for years but when she gave her life to Jesus and was borne again, not only did she call but she asked for forgiveness too and told her mum she forgave her. It spoke to me because I was in the same position; I was too hurt to forgive, and not forgiving created barriers and chains for myself. I understood that I had to forgive and ask for forgiveness too.

This morning, as I woke up, I knew I was healed, from my physical, emotional and psychological wounds. I felt replenished and new again. I felt strength that I had not felt in so many years. The spirit immediately led me to watching a Sermon by Joyce Meyer and I was touched. The title of her sermon was “the pursuit of peace” and in that she expanded on peace with God, peace with ourselves and peace with our neighbours. How awesome was this. For me to have felt anger all this while at God and here I was listening to a sermon about making peace with God. Needless to mention the peace I needed with myself because of the hatred not forgiving had placed in me and what more, peace with our neighbours which reminds me of the sadness I mentioned earlier when referring to the “tsunami” in my family. I needed this to break the chains and free myself from the bondages I had possibly contributed to.

Then in this same spirit, I listened to a talk from the site my twin sister had suggested a couple of days ago and it was about a woman from the book of Judges called ASCA, which refers to her as a conqueror. They spoke about the impact of our words, our heart and our spirit. In this talk, I understood that I had to come to God and ask with a spirit that I have conquered already, I can ask God the impossible because He is an extraordinary God. They explained how Josiah asked God for sunlight and God did give him. What about Peter, who asked to walk on water. In Luc 11, God reminds us that He has out audacity in us, we should not think of ourselves as any less, not worthy to ask directly and the audacity of Asca as go-getters! I understand that there is no excuse I need to have to claim what is rightly mine, God’s promises. We have that capacity to reclaim those promises because spiritual authority is part of our heritage in Christ Jesus.

They mentioned Jeremiah 29:11 during this talk – I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.

And there I was seating again in my bedroom with all of these and I begin to get filled by the spirit and the word. All what they were saying this morning was addressing me and my circumstances directly. Now I know for certain without any doubt that the Lord is my shepherd and I will lack nothing. He will give me blessings like a tree planted by the river side whose leaves are always green and the roots never dry up. I will remain attached to God with no more conditions. No more of ” God if you give me this, I will do that ….). Now I know that God does not place anything bad on us and that, it is simply the work of the devil who is only here to steal and kill and destroy and we need to have faith and be strong spiritually to pray and cast out any form of attack of his.

Anything bound in heaven shall be bound on earth and anything that the Lord has touched will bear fruits . It’s a new journey but I am thankful that I am all in. I am thankful that I know that I can claim my heritage from God and that his plans for me are for prosperity and bring about future hope. I know that it would not be easy, I know that this journey would be challenging but I also know the spirit in me now. I want to be a wise woman who builds and is not lazy. God has delivered me from the bondages I used to be in and now I know that I will never return to a point of no landmark.

God bless,

Laurianne  Ndzana.

Fitness Your Way – My weight gain and weight loss story.

Hi beautiful readers!

Welcome back to my blog.

In this post, I would be sharing with you the idea of a new section on the blog.

The Fitness Section.

This would include meal plans and prep, workout routines and progress tracking.

I am doing this because I want to motivate myself in my healthy lifestyle journey which as you all may guess, is not an easy task.

When I came to England, I weighted 58 kg and that was actually post summer weight (September 2014). This means on a regular school year, I would be around 55kg.

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I was about 55 – 58 kg here, very tiny and skinny.

I started putting on weight as the years went by and I reached my highest point at University in my second year when I got to 70kgs. The reason behind this would mostly be attributed to a poor mental state that led me into binge eating. Secondary reasons would be the fact that in my first year, I was still learning how to cook and wasn’t totally great at it. Therefore, I will eat out a lot and my plates used to be filled of Nando’s’ fries, and peri-peri chicken. I will order pizza in the evenings and eat it while it lasted.

Needless to mention I wasn’t physically active. The lifestyle in the U.K. was such that my common daily exercise would be walking to campus, which I absolutely hated. It was a 20 mins walk yet, I hated it because I was not used to walking back home.

In my first year, by the end of the first semester when I returned home at Christmas, everyone had a comment to make.

Wow, what have you been eating, you’re putting on weight, life is good over there … These were the kind of comments I got and believe me, I had an answer to counter argue everything. I wasn’t really seeing myself in the ‘miroir’ to notice how much my body was changing. I enjoyed that holiday and ate as much as I could knowing I would not have the same meals when I returned for semester two.

Flashback to high school …

I used to repeat these sentences: “God forbid I ever become like that”. Like that referred to being obese, over weight, massive, huge… You name it. I had very few friends that were overweight and it just didn’t make sense to me how they’ll allow themselves eat to that extent. Especially that I would see them snack all the time in school, from plantain chips to groundnut caramel, to sweets, cake, burgers, soya to “pain-oeuf-sphagetti”, and “tampico”… It was totally insane how much they ate.

After that Christmas, I came back to University and the first thing I did was to order a scale from Amazon. It was delivered to me couple of days after and I had made up my mind to weigh myself. I was so scared of getting on the scale for I myself had started to realise the weight gain people around me were talking about.

When I climbed on that scale, my eyes dropped. I was 63 kg. From 58-63 kgs, I had therefore added 6 kgs in the space of 3 months. I remember crying about how much I hated my body now. The remarks kept increasing to the extent that when I’ll Skype my parents, I would turn off the camera. They’ll ask and I would give a random excuse that my webcam has issues.

From there, I started making little changes. I would walk to school more often, and I had signed up to the University’s gym and went with friends.

However cooking was still an issue. I have to admit that the major problem here was that although I had identified a need for change, I did not know how to cook and eat healthy. I was never really a fan of veggies, I hated a lot of fruits and wouldn’t drink enough water. So that was hard.

Then began that phase of making myself throw-up after eating. I had come across several blogs were people said it makes it easier to loose weight. I would weigh myself literally every morning and if I had not gone down, I would starve myself and throw up even more in case I ate.

The problem with doing that is that you get physically exhausted. I had started to feel ill and dizzy most of the time and more frustrating was that the number on the scale was not dropping

This really affected me because again, I dealt with this alone and no one knew I was doing what I was doing. Comments about my body even from friends at Uni killed me inside. They commented on my tummy getting big, my jaws and that only made me more sad, angry and bitter.

It came to a point were I broke down one day to my best friend. I told her; people are out there making comments on my body, my weight gain and it’s just so mean. As if I didn’t notice those changes myself. I told her how much I wanted the comments to stop.

I was clearly frustrated. Remember the high school mentality, I was not about to get big. That would crush me to my core.

The gym was not helping get my weight down. On the contrary, I was building muscles. And I even went from 63 to 65kg. Some days I’ll be 63 again, 62, 64 but I never went back to being 58 kg 😭.

Rest in peace my sweet 58kg.

Fast forward to my second year. The hardest year and time of my life. Ohh God, school was hard, everything was hard, I was stressed up 90% of the time and tell me what, I started drinking to top things up. Literally, everyone knows how caloric alcohol is.

Depression kicked in (story for another day. I’ve actually written about it but it’s been in my draft for a year now. It’s quite real and deep and It’s still negative as I wrote some parts even in my depressed state – so it’s going to be another post one day – let’s hope for mental health awareness day 2019?

I would eat myself to sleep, eat whilst crying, studying, I just ate to feel better. Food was replacing my pain and before I knew it, I hit 70 kgs. Now I’m not a very tall person so I should be maximum 60 kgs for my height. I even got myself a waist trainer thinking it would help the fat disappear but “nope”, that only works for Kim Kardashian.

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I was 70 kg on this picture. I had reached my heaviest point. You can tell from my tights, had arms, my face -jaws, neck, almost double chin. Everything really!

At that point, because of how I had changed physique wise and character wise, I did not welcome any comments on my body and weight gain. Anyone who tried got properly roasted. At that point, I just hid in big clothes, hoodies and t-shirts.

That summer, when I went home, I asked my mum to let everyone know I would not welcome any comments about my weight. That I knew how I looked and all the remarks made me uncomfortable. So everyone really took that and my siblings, Dad and everyone one helped me. I had a special diet, I played tennis all summer and was also going to work (my summer internship).

All this contributed to me loosing weight. From 70/72, I went down to 67. You may think, well that wasn’t a lot but I was so happy. It actually motivated me when I returned to Uni for my final year to keep up with that healthy lifestyle.

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One of my regular detox and refreshing drinks. Its a blend of cucumber, apple cider vinegar, lemon, ginger, and of course, water.

I meal prepped, I stopped fast foods (wasn’t a big fan really but occasionally, I’ll have pizza, and KFC) so that totally stopped. I stopped eating out, went to the gym all year long (aside during busy midterms and exams seasons), drank a lot of water and focused on my mental health. I made a lot of changes and that really paid off.

I went down further to 65 kg by the end of the year.

Today, I carry on with this lifestyle and I am maintaining a constant weight of 63 kgs. I try to remain as much active as possible and keep the good eating habits. It’s been two years now since I had any soft drinks, pizza, KFC, and many more. I haven’t had French fries in a year and I rarely eat out. Once in 3 months I would say.

Health is really important and should not be neglected. It’s a constant battle to keep up but it’s really really important.

I had started cutting down weight from here.

The reason I’m making this post is to motivate myself and any other people that may or not relate to this story to take their health seriously. Health is wealth and as cliché as that may sound, you don’t know the value of health until you don’t have it.

Food is the best thing that could have happened in this world, especially with the flavours, from African dishes to Caribbean to French food, the delicacies are innumerable. But here’s the lowdown, food cannot control you. You control food. You may be going through ‘stuff’ but it’s really important that you find in you that capacity to stand up again and take your faith in your hands. And that may mean sacrifices but just know it’s for a good cause.

I drink alcohol very rarely now. Just on special occasions like New Year’s Eve, wine once in a while with food and that’s it. However, I don’t want to sound as though I am totally free from temptation and do not give in sometimes.

Sometimes, especially during exams preparation, I treat myself. I would order food if I don’t have time to meal prep, I would have haribos whilst studying and my favourite chocolate (the chocolate with nuts by Lindts).

However, when that exam period is over, your girl is hitting the gym hard and all is back to normal.

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Me ready to hit the gym after two weeks worth of exams eating and snacking. I’m in my favourite attire (I love my short even if mum would throw it away at the slightest opportunity)

It’s a journey. A journey where I am conscious of the dangers associated with being overweight, and the harm it can cause to your mental state (weight gain was part of the reasons why i got depressed).

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I am still a bit overweight but now I am at a floating 63. I am not looking to drop to the 50s but I want to make sure I am eating and living healthy. Again, with time, I have built muscles so I really doubt if I can drop back to 58 but its not impossible. Let’s see how I can on.

My favourite quote is that from Jim Rohn; “Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live”.

Making excuses burns zero calories per hour. Repeat after me!

Looking forward to sharing my workouts here, my meal plans and tips & tricks.

Note: Most pictures have been left unfiltered because I wanted to maintain the realness. I think it is important to see certain things raw without any touch.

Thanks for reading xx

19’s Observation.